Helloooo, Anybody there?

Six weeks and counting since I've written anything on Ye Ol' Blog, embarrassing.  How dare I call myself an amateur writer and humorist?  Writer's block, I've had a severe case of it.

The Smart Boys started back to school.  They seem to be handling their new teachers and accepting new friends into their lives.  The thing I dislike most about them going to school is me having to haul their little butts to and from their school.  We live just outside of the district lines so we have to provide our own transportation.  Going to school isn't the issue.

The problem lies in the afternoon pick up which is an absolute cluster F of epic proportions.  School lets out at approximately 310pm.  If I want to get the Smart Boys picked up and home by DINNER TIME I have to get out to the school by 230pm, line up (as if a funeral procession,) and patiently wait.  I bring my water, protein bar, iPad, and phone to keep my busy and hydrated.  Some days aren't so bad but others feel like time will never move on.

Minus flashing lights and Hearse.

Seems Legit...

FINALLY, the wait is over and I see brake lights coming on in front of me.  These flashes of red light mean it's time for the procession of picking up our little angels.  Angels, this term is laughable when describing the Smart Boys but hey the other kids I'm sure are perfect.  Back to the scene...  One by one our vehicles inch ahead to pick up our kids one car load at a time.  I can't describe how they know which car belongs to which kid because if I did I'd be violating security protocol.  I want NO petterass picking up my kids in a scary van.


Smart Boys enter the vehicle, usually as slow as possible.  The door slams and we're off.  Another school day complete!  BUT WAIT THERE'S MORE!!  I still have to navigate my way out of the parking lot.  This involves a bit of hell/toe action, evasive maneuvering, and sometimes standing on brakes.  I'm not entirely sure where these parents got their driver's licenses but I'm quite sure it was a Cracker Jack box.  We have to make the mad dash home, 7 miles of pure adrenaline.  What adrenaline rush doesn't include being tailgated by the Cracker Jack parade?


Enter the house.  As I rush to the latrine the boys are busy depositing their backpacks, papers, jackets, and shoes where ever they'd like usually in a direct path of walking.  Homework, check homework, start dinner, eat dinner, do dishes, and so on.  /End Scene.

Moral of the story?  Thank your damn bus driver!  Those of you who are fortunate enough to have bus services, ENJOY IT!  That and I'll be applying for a chauffeur license.  Doesn't it suck that I can't put this driving service on a resume detailing my safe driving skills all while volunteering?!  Ah the endless joys of Motherhood.  =)   

Shit I Hate Sunday...

I found an awesome blogger this week who incidentally happens to be an Army wife too!  She's not for the faint of heart but I find her pretty gd hilarious.  Rockin' Mama is hosting a Sunday link up entitled Shit I Hate Sundays.  So I'm giving it a whirl.

Shit I Hate - Sunday, seriously least favorite day of the week.

Shit I Hate - That Mad Men isn't on year round, I know right First World Problems.

Shit I Hate - I'm a self proclaimed lover of all things video game.  However, I'm thinking my son is developing an unhealthy kinship with Bowser, the bad guy from all Mario games.

Shit I Hate - Netflix.  I spent nearly 45 minutes last night just trying to find something that's suitable to watch.  Why in the hell do I pay for this crap anymore?

Shit I Hate -  Not being able to enjoy my morning cup of joe!

Shit I Hate - Those LAZY ASS turds at the mart who cannot put the cart away, thanks for the dings jackholes!

Shit I Hate - Living in such a small town/area that when my mother-in-law is visiting and sick there are no Urgent Care places to visit.  What a sham!

I won't go on...believe me there's nothing I like to do more than bitch, says Smart Hubs.

Winning Gold in Pain Med Olympics

My dear Smarties, it's been awhile since I had a real post.  I do apologize but thank you for being patient with me through the dull summer months! Everything is returning to semi normal at the Smart household.

I had surgery in late June.  Since then I've been in a Vicodin infused haze.  More like syrup of the gods haze since I had the liquid version.  Might I add that it took hold much faster than the usual pill form.  Now that I have all of you addicts, former addicts, and future addicts foaming at the mouth this is the part where I tell you the script has run dry.  It's a good thing since it totally gave me writer's block and I can really see how some folks become addicted so easily.

Things that DO stick out from the last few weeks of my recovery:

Smart hubs left for more Army schooling in early July, the good news is he will be back at the end of this month and is still in country.  He hasn't been away this long in quite sometime, I'll be honest it's been sort of nice yet when I hear ANYONE complaining in the civilian world about missing their significant other after one night apart...well I'd like to slap them with a 2X4.  When I say it's sort of nice that he's gone, I mean that it's nice knowing when he'll be back and that I know he's safe/not in a warzone.


My son had his 6th birthday, yay!  6 years of him not sleeping like a normal person, playing the family role of Drama Queen/King, and being just as awesome as his mother.  It was a good day, I got sick on a piece of his ice cream cake but damn it was worth it!  If he gets anymore Batman stuff, I may accidentally lose some of it.  His room looks like a mock up of Gotham City.  You can imagine the discussion I had with him over TDKR shootings in Aurora, CO.  He was worried because he knew his Dad wanted to see the film.  In short, he's pacified and I don't believe he's scared of entering a movie theater.  Although as reassurance I told him I'd wait until TDKR came out on DVD so we wouldn't have to worry.  He's ok with it...me with my love of Superheroes, not so much.


I started exercising again.   Yea that's right Too Smart can do it! I take an evening jaunt around our neighborhood with our dog Lucy in tow.  It gets really hot, I'm usually drenched in sweat, and Lucy usually drinks two bowls of water when we're done.  It's worth it though as I'm seeing great results thus far.  Oh yea, recovery, I'm doing ok not off all restrictions yet but a couple more weeks and I'll be whole again.

The Olympics.  Namely the opening ceremony.  I missed the Beijing ceremonies so I thought I'd watch the London ceremonies.  There were some things that really made me snicker.  The Queen dropping from a helicopter, really?  OK, she's a good sport.  The Deaf Children singing God Save the Queen, well my husband and I both heard a few off key kids but overall it was alright but did you see the close up of the Queen's face during that?  She look liked she was constipated and in dire need of a laxative or she was thinking the same thoughts I was...which weren't politically correct enough for me to write here.  Overall I've been trying to avoid Olympic spoilers but it's definitely hard to do.  Oh, and my favorite event thus far...Micheal Phelp's Mom's early reaction.  Bahaha.  GOLD right there.

I'm not really a Dragonball Z fan but this was hilarious. 

 All in all I'm back and off the sauce.  It's been a nice warm haze but it's time to get things back in order.  Besides, the Smart Boys are almost back in school!  YESSSS, I mean....awe I'm so distraught whatever shall I do?  Oh yea, more blogging time!  See you kids around.

Liebster Numero Dos

I'd like to thank the Academy, it's been a long hard film..../wakes up from random movie star filled dream, don't mind the drool you're imagining on my pillow.

Once again Ladies and Gents I've been nominated for a Liebster Award.  This time by Momfia Tees!  What a great honor this truly is.  I'm not sure how this works the second time around but I shall try my best to get the job done.  Read on Smarties what will you find about me this time? Muahaha.

Here are the rules for the Liebster:
*Post 11 random facts about yourself.
*Choose 11 deserving bloggers and tag them in your post.
*Tell them you’ve tagged them.
*Answer 11 questions the tagger has asked you, and give 11 questions to the people you’ve tagged.
*No tag backs.

 RANDOM STUFF ABOUT ME

1.  I really want a Starbucks Frappucino right now.

2.  I'd really like a full on tasty cup of coffee filled with caffeine, cream, and actual sugar.

3.  I'm beginning to think I'm going through real coffee withdrawals, someone help me please!

4.  Too Smart why don't you just drink a cup of Joe?  Well I'll tell you adoring Smarties, repercussions of my surgery...decaf ONLY, sugar free, no cream.

5.  Well you know what they say Too Smart, once you go black...you never go back.  WRONG, just wrong bring me that smooth cup of Joe I'm accustomed to.

6.  Tired of me rambling on about coffee?  Good, because I'm not.

7.  Seven is my favorite number and also one of my favorite films.

8.  I once had a coffee maker that only made 8 cups of fresh brewed coffee.

9.  I prefer dark roast coffee.

10.  I once joked with a few good friends about Juan Valdez showing up at our windows with fresh coffee beans.  (His donkey too.)

11.  I had my first cup of coffee when I was about 6 years old, a love affair for the ages.



THE ELEVEN DEADLY QUESTIONS (not involving coffee)
 
 1. What's your favorite swear word substitution?

 CRAP!

2. Boxers or Briefs?

Commando.  

3. Vampires or Werewolves?

Vampires, not the sparkly kind.  Deep, dark, twisty Anne Rice kind. 

4. If you could choose any career what would it be?

Teacher, Lawyer, or Scientist.  These are the same choices I've had since I was a wee lass...you'd    think I'd have acted on one of these by now. 

5. You're raiding the kids' Halloween stash. What are you taking?
 Everything laden in chocolate, ok no...I'm not that over indulgent.  Probably Snickers or a Tootsie Pop. 

6. If you could only watch one movie for the rest of your life what would it be?

The Shawshank Redemption, through and through the best movie I've ever had the pleasure of viewing.

7. What's your favorite book?

 Too many to list, many Anne Rice books come to mind though.

8. Do you take your favorite coffee or tea with? cream or sugar?

OMG!  I almost forgot about coffee, THANKS ALOT!!!

9. Favorite and least favorite cheese.

Colby Jack is my favorite and least is anything that smells of death. 

10. Coke or Pepsi?

Water or COFFEE, not too much into Pop/Soda. 

11. What's your style? Laid back or fashionista?
Tomboy Fashionista!

THE NOMINEES

See previous Liebster Post here Liebster Uno, since it's been so recent that I nominated I'm at a loss.  However, I will supplement a few more deserving blogger friends to get to 11 nominees. 


Catching Fireflies
Crap That Bugs Me!
How Did I Get Here?
Story of a Girl...
The Year of Me
Thrifty Military Mommy


NOMINEE INTERROGATION QUESTIONS

1.  What's your favorite day of the week?
2.  If you could visit any city in the world, all expenses paid, where you end up?
3.  Do you Pinterest, if so, do you find it hella addicting like I do?
4.  What is Blogging to you?
5.  What is the deepest thought you've ever had?
6.  Who is your biggest celebrity crush?
7.  If the President showed up on your doorstep what would you say to him?
8.  If you could change your name, would you and what would you change it to?
9.  Coffee or Tea?
10.  Most embarrassing moment?
11.  Favorite type of car?

Me, Sunshine? You Bet!

I graciously am accepting another blogger award.  This time it's the Sunshine Blogger Award, given to me by My Daily Jenn-ism .  Jenn is a great lady and full of wonderful ism's that make me smile.  A heartfelt thank you to you, Jenn.  It makes me so happy to hear that someone is thinking of me, even when my writing has slowed of late. Don't worry Smarties this may have been the push I needed.  =) 

The Rules:

       1.  Include award logo in a post or on your blog page.

2    2. Answer (10) questions about yourself.  

3    3. Nominate 10-12 other fabulous bloggers.
4. Link your nominees to the post and comment on their blog, letting them know about the award.
5. Share the love and link the person who nominated you.

Ten Questions and Answers:

 
1. What would you most like to change about yourself?

       At times, I would like to change my outlook on things.  I have a generally pessimistic attitude and sometimes it would be great to be one of those happy-go-lucky people of the universe.  Then again I wouldn't be me if I didn't have the mindset that I call my own.

2.  What is your theme song?

This has been my most difficult question to answer.  I have various musical tastes that I can't satisfy with just ONE song.  So, I'm just going to go what came to be first.  Bohemian Rhapsody by Queen.  Who doesn't love this song, you can sing along and have a great time!  

3.  One part of your life, a memory, action, etc. that you wish you could surgically remove     from your brain?

Who is really going to admit something that they'd want to erase? Haha, I guess it'd be that time I thought a mullet like hair cut was a good idea so I wouldn't have to brush it as much.  Did I ever mention I'm a tomboy at heart? 

4. What generation do you wish you had been a part of?

 I love my generation, I'm a proud Gen X baby.   We've seen what there used to be things like rotary phones and  cassette tapes but we're just as familiar with cell phones, laptops, tablets, and wireless internet.  However, I've always said I would love to have been part of the 60s, purely for musical reasons.  I would've given a limb to see The Doors at Whiskey A Go-Go or to have been at Woodstock. 

5. What was your favorite childhood toy?

My favorite childhood toy, hmmmm.  I loved Barbies but equally loved playing with my brothers GI Joes.  The Nintendo is a close contender as well.  

6. What is your favorite housecleaning chore?

Seriously?  I guess I'll go with vacuuming mostly because a machine is doing most of the work for me.

7. Do you Twitter? 

Yes, I do but not very well.  I'm a bit of twitter noob.  I just don't get hash tags and retweeting.  I'm starting to feel old as I write this.  I think Twitter was invented for people with ADHD/ADD, I'm sorry I like to read more than 140 characters. 

8. Any goals?

Of course, I'm always on a quest for knowledge it seems.  I always dream of going back to school over and over again and becoming a jack of all trades.  My current interest though is possibly Nursing.  Not sure though, I don't know if I can handle excrement on a routine basis.  

9. Do you really drink margaritas all the time?

Nope, I never touch those sour things.  Give me a Sam Adams and I'm a happy girl.  That or something with vodka in it. =) 

10. What is the ugliest car you've ever driven and were embarrassed to be seen in?

THE EL CAMINO! I hated driving around in my Dad's truck.   Sorry Dad, not my first choice in vehicles. 

My Sunshine Nominees

Army Wife, Mommy Life 

The Dude of the House 

Figuring it out as we grow 

Graceful Disaster 

Healthy Indulgences 

The Momalog 

Love of Country 

Riding the Crazy Train: Diary of a Delirious Mom 

The Vintage Boomer 

The Air Force Wife 

Thanks again to My Daily Jenn-ism.  Go visit her and see what she's all about, she's amazing!  To my Sunshine Nominees, each of you are a great read and I tried to include as many military wives as I could.  We need to keep together one blog at a time.  Congrats nominees! 


CLICK HERE to Vote for me at Top Mommy Blogs!

 

I'm a Winner!

Tuesday I had surgery, coming out of anesthesia isn't all that pleasant.  Once I got to my suite, regained my senses, and felt less like death I fired up the iPad and checked my emails.  In my email I found that Graceful Disaster...Life, Parenting & Humor   commented on my post regarding the pre surgery liquid diet.  In said comment she notified me that she had given me the Liebster Award!  Thank you so much Graceful Disaster, I appreciate it and it is quite humbling.  It brought my first legitimate post op, out of anesthesia smile...priceless.  Many thanks!

Here are the rules:  

1. Choose 5 up & coming blogs to pass the Liebster Award on to.  Each blog must have less than 200 followers. 


2. Show your thanks & appreciation to the blogger than gave you the award by  linking back to them.


3. Share 5 random facts about yourself.


4. Post the award to your blog.

Five Random Facts:

1.  I'm not sure how random this fact is but it's the first that comes to mind.  My name is April.  Yes, as in the fourth month. Believe it or not I was born in this month.  Big props to my parents for using the first thing they could think of.  (Just kidding)  This has brought relentless teasing though life such as "Oh I bet your middle name is MAY bahahaha."  ...No it's not.  

2.  I despise "chick flicks."  So and so feel in love?  Well that's great, I don't care.  Give me a good ol fashioned horror show and I'll be satisfied.  

3.  Mashed potatoes without gravy is my favorite food.  Yes, I'm the girl who you may or may not have seen in a restaurant ordering mashed potatoes as a meal.  Sorry Emeril, none of that fancy stuff for me BAM just salt and butter please! 

4.  To me, the term dressing up means "nice" jeans and a "fancy" top with the possibility of some sort of matching flip flop.   I'm 33 years old maybe sometime soon I'll embrace a little bit more fashion sense, then again maybe not.  I prefer comfort to feeling like there's a stick up my ass.  

5.  I'm the kind of Mom who yells at her boys for playing video games wrong.  Whether it's using the spacebar to jump or R1 to aim, I'm always there to teach them the important things in life.  Someday, they'll thank me.  lol.

Drumroll Please...

The Authentic Life 
Marvelous Mo' & Me 
Mod Mom Beyond IndieDom 
FoodThoughtsOfaChefWannaBe 
just keep swimming 

I decree I award these 5 blogs the Liebster Award for their hard work and their ability to keep me entertained!  Congrats and thanks again to Graceful Disaster for my first blog award, the Liebster Award. 

CLICK HERE to Vote for me at Top Mommy Blogs!

Liquidity

I have no true liquid assets unless you count the profuse amount of urine coming from me today.  I'm having surgery on Tuesday.  The surgeon has put me on a clear liquid, sugar free diet.  When's the last time you tried this?  If this is a feat you have accomplished and lived through, feel free to hand out pointers in the comments section.

I feel like Vanessa Paradis right now, food was my Johnny.  It's a break up I've known has had to come for quite sometime.  Nothing brings it home quite like a tall glass of water over and over and over again.  I love water but holy hell am I starving at this very moment.  I feel like I want to eat a rare steak and that's something I'd normally NEVER do.

Details? Not many, but I'll share what I can have for the next few days.  Water, crystal light, low sodium broth, decaff coffee or decaff tea, and sugar free popsicles.  Decaff coffee or tea, really?  That's taking all of the fun out of the world.  It was quite difficult for me to get out of bed knowing I couldn't have a crisp cup of REAL coffee.  Oh the humanity!

Not even going to go onto the part where I really want a cracker right now, sure go ahead and call me Polly.  See what happens when I find you!  My husband has felt my wrath today all over the heat and a plunger.  Don't ask about the plunger.   I'm in a frenzied state of panic.  WHERE'S THE BEEF?  It's not that bad...

Or is it?

CLICK HERE to Vote for me at Top Mommy Blogs!