Tuesday, June 20, 2017

A Decade of Strength

Dear sweet son Karter,

I'm really at a loss this year.  I'm swept up in a storm of emotions.  Should I be happy, sad... judging by the ever persistet tears I seem to sweeping off my face I guess it could be all emotions. As you likely know, Dad is on his way home once more!  In fact on your day it's kind of like a birthday celebration.  I shouldn't have a bit of saddness should I?

From your point of view I'm sure you've seen what Momma has gone through this year.  Lets just say I'm not getting any younger.  You've been with me every step of the way, I promise.  You gave me the gift of strength, a decade ago.  Real strength to persist past even the most foul of things.  I believe I have.  So, thank you once again Son.

It's really hard for me to write today, because all I want is to see you come barreling through our door after playing outside.  All I really want is to see you cuddle on the couch with Daisy.  All I really want is to hear a tantrum you'd throw over something you didn't want to do.  All I really want is to see you, as the ten year old Boy you've become today.

This is why the tears are falling.  No matter how much I hope and wish you aren't here with us, physically.  Maybe you're even screaming in my ear "Momma I'm right here don't cry..."  but I cannot hear because you aren't here, physically.  Heck, then again maybe those cries you let out a decade ago where just that "Momma I'm right here don't cry!"  Maybe that's why your voice echoes so much from time to time, within me.  And just now, as you as my witness I was able to stop crying.

Dear Karter, our now Ten year old son, thank you so much for that gift of strength.  Today is your birthday, son.  Ten tall candles on that birthday cake, double digits!  What would you wish for?  I can only imagine you'd want every set of legos ever made, 12 video games, and a drum set.  Would you get all of that, nah, but we'd do our best.  Your brothers would snag what they liked best and help you put the sets together, and then you guys could argue over who was second player in said video games.  That's easy enough to see, lol.  Dad and I would give you those parent hugs that you probably would be "too big" for, but Momma would hold you so tight and look into your blue eyes and tell you how much she loved you.  You'd squirm to get away--ten year olds don't do that.  ;) Happy Tenth Birthday Littlest Son, We Love You.

Here comes the part I dislike most, the end of this year's letter.  I love you son.  Thank you for giving me the strength that keeps me going when I want to stop.  I hope you're enjoying things from above and liking hanging out with this year's loved ones passed.  You keep a keen eye upon us and never be afraid to yell your loudest in my ear, when you think I need it most.  I'll hear you.  Thank you for AGAIN helping Dad home to Us.  We are anxious to go pick him up later.  However, don't worry the tears I'll be crying then are those of joy just to have him back to hold.   Thank you Littlest Son.  Happy Tenth Birthday!  I love you, we love you, and miss you so very much.

As Ever,
Momma