Wednesday, June 20, 2012

Half of a Decade

This year I have a blog, a real blog not that myspace crap that went to ground ages ago.  Today is my littlest son's birthday.  He lived a short time, was celebrated, and loved deeply.  I've vowed to never forget his precious face and voice.  On this day, the day of his birth, I write a simple letter to him each year.  June 20th, 2012 is the day I share it with people I've shared my life with and also all of the readers that I've met via this endeavor.  It's your choice to read but please do.  I'm not entirely sure what you will gain by reading this personal letter, maybe it will give you strength as it has me.  Possibly help make your day brighter by realizing all that you have in this life. 

Dearest Karter,

Happy 5th birthday Littlest Son.  Half of a decade, I really can't believe it.  I say just as I do to your brother that it really does seem like yesterday I held you in my arms for the first time. The first and last kiss.  The first witness to your voice and the last beat of your heart.  


I celebrate you today, Littlest Son.  


This year has mirrored the last five years.  We have moved once again to a new home and a new way of life, this time in the bayou of America.  A slower pace of life was welcomed after our last home.  Dad still works hard for the Army but he is home more often, for now.  We enjoy this as I'm sure you can tell.  


Your brothers are taller and smarter than ever.  At this very moment they sit in the living room as I write disputing Star Wars facts.  I'm sure you'd chime in if you had the chance.  Each day it seems they learn something new and always they remember you.  Just yesterday Big Brother stated that the reason we got our new pet Lucy, was because you weren't with us anymore.  This isn't entirely true,  we would've caved sooner or later no matter for the cuteness that is a puppy. 


I love you, Littlest Son.  


Momma is chugging along as usual.  I'm always doing something around the house to keep my thoughts in check.  I write when I feel I need to and I'm now publishing it for the world to see.  Thank you for giving me the strength to know that I can do anything in this life.  Of course, your brothers and father are what keeps me busy most.  Yet everyday I know you are here in some small way.  Whether it's the wind blowing in my face or a sunbeam shining onto us.  There are little things that remind me of you and of course my love for you will never ever disappear. You are always in my heart and memories.  Today I celebrate you.


This is the part that I hate getting to.  There's that little bit of finality that is a hard reminder that I cannot give you hugs on your birthday, sing you a song, or even watch you blow out your candles.  The part of the letter where I sign off for another year.  Littlest Son, thank you for giving me so much in such a short amount of time.  Thank you for coming into our lives, without you I don't know how I could be "whole."  Thanks for showing me the light in the dark.  I love you, we love you, you are with us always.  


Love you,


Momma

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